A walk with my son

​Took my son for a walk the other day. Nothing special. Just walking.

Somewhere in the middle of it I caught myself actually there. Present. Not running any background math.

A few years ago that walk would not have been a walk. It would've been a calculation. How far before it flares. Whether I'd pay for it tonight. Where I could sit if I needed to. You're physically next to your kid and your head is somewhere else the entire time.

That's the part nobody talks about. Everyone talks about the pain. Almost nobody talks about how it quietly pulls you out of your own life while it's happening. The trip you were technically on. The game you were technically at. You were there. You weren't there.

That used to get to me more than the pain itself did.

So I'm not going to send you a pep talk today. I just wanted to say I'm not guessing about any of this. I lived in it for a long time, and if you're in it right now, the frustration you're feeling is the right response to it. Nothing wrong with you.

That's it. If you can get one walk in today where your head is actually in it, go do that.

Gabe

PS: What's the thing pain's quietly taken from you that nobody talks about?